Most of us will normally form cliques wherever we go. I remember in my secondary school, especially because it was a girls’ school (AH YES. The joys of catty single-sex environments!), numerous tight and exclusive cliques were formed. In particular one such group struck me; the so called ‘popular’ gang, or at least they tried dearly to give off that impression to our fellow secondary classmates. Their group was a conglomeration of the most prominent, attractive, and outstanding personalities in school. Everyone knew about them because they were so involved in organizing and regulating school activities. But… I felt sad for them whenever they walked past me because I felt they were so dearly absorbed and lost in their groupthink.
These people were so insecure that they threw themselves into their group, trying to please everyone and especially the ‘queen bee’ so as to secure their place within the school’s vast social empire. On the outside, there was an illusion of unamity, whereby the group seemed to be in totally synergy, laughing and joking all the time everywhere they went. They collectively took part in activities, with the queen bee normally leading. Some of the things they did weren’t kind, but they did them anyways to avoid being castracised by the other group members (pressure on dissenters). For example, they would make fun of this girl who was socially awkward. I knew that not all of them were at ease with such meanness (you could see it in their faces), but they seemed to collectively rationalize their actions so as to suppress their guilt. They probably molded their minds to think that what they were doing was perfectly right. I remember one of them exclaiming, “It’s no big deal!” when someone chastised her for her mean comments – she seemed as if she really meant what she was saying. The rest of the group would chime in and support their groupmate – all of them seemed to lose sight of their personal moral principles to support the group view. In that way, they believed in their group’s own morality. When they discussed what to do after class, they indulged in shared stereotypes about issues, for instance exclaiming that they should all go to Ministry of Sound or St. James (clubs) and party the night away, biasedly ignoring the fact that they were underage because they all owned fake I.D.s. They obviously had the shared perception that clubbing was a cool thing to do.
I had a close friend who knew some of the group members personally, and she reported that they really were not as happy as they seemed. The group pressure was great, and they realized quickly that they needed to conform in order to acquire idiosyncrasy credit (or brownie points) and gain full membership within the crowd. The more they self-censored themselves to aid in their gradual assimilation, the deeper they fell into the groupthink syndrome. Their need for total acceptance and unanimity altered their logical minds. One of them related to my close friend about how deeply unhappy she was, yet she stuck in this twisted relationship network because she wanted the popularity benefits that came with it. To her, the rewards were worth her suffering. Or maybe she was too cowardly to do otherwise and break out of her situation. In either case, she had evaluated the relationship (costs v.s. benefits) and decided her fate.
It is clear by now that this group’s dialectics was dysfunctional. Their web was one of delusion, deceit and desperation. It is not worth killing a part of yourself to achieve some goal that makes you unhappy in the process. Do yourself a favor, and ensure your relationships are functional and fruitful. To be able to establish a close-knit group of friends, with whom you can feel in sync and comfortable with, is truly a rewarding and great experience. Aim for it. Or clap with me if you are blessed enough to already have one. (:
18 comments:
as i join UB for the 1st smemester, i observe closely the cliques being formed. as the semester progresses, some people drift to other cliques, or other larger cliques split to form 2 smaller cliques.
cliques are inevitable when joining any social situation. it allows you to feel protected, and gives you a sense of security. mankind's greatest weakness is the need for human affection, and i think that this is what drives us to form and stay in many of the cliques we are in, no matter if we are happy in it or not. sad...
I tend to mix with anyone and everyone.From the popular to the lonely ,from the geniuses to the ones who most likely need therapy!
But I refuse to succumb to the social whims of cliques.its a sign of social weakness,the need to belong and feel secure as Zed argues.
I admire people who do so as well,as it shows they do not crave for attention and are comfortable in their own skin and social decisions.
Of course,you might argue that I might form my own cliques with these people,but I digress it never happens.
My imaginary friends on my head are far more entertaining than any human being.
Well...except stupid politicians.They are quite entertaining..
kristy! i would definitely have to clap along with you! haha.
yes, this situation can always be seen in an all-girls school where the air everywhere is filled with bitchiness. those people are pathetic if you ask me, they are facing an identity diffusion or strive to know who they really are. but they are wrong. we do not need people to tell us who we are, we can create an identity for ourselves without being social slaves to others.
i have personally encountered such people in my secondary school days but seriously, i feel sorry for them. all i did was ignore them but they did not have any other ways to turn my school life topsy-turvy. ohh, how i wish to see the looks on their faces on the day they know how ridiculous they have been!
Raj, I suppose it differs from person to person. Some people may indeed crave for human affection, but not because they are insecure. It's just an intrinsic part of every human to want to celebrate love and take part in its joys. The easiest avenue is to partake in functional relationships. However, do take note that these need not necessarily be 'cliques' (that word tends to have a negative connotation) where people are kept within their own social circle bubble and become wary of outsiders not part of their group.
Then there are individuals such as you, who are perfectly content forming genial friendships with a variety of people but not encompassing themselves within any defined circle of friends. That's great too. I'd like to believe different people lead their lives in different, but not in any case, a worse or better way. We are after all, so different, that we all can't possibly have the same needs.
I do not disagree that humans need affection.We all do,its part of our very being and our experience here on earth.
What I was trying to get is the superficial side of it all that some people seem to do when socializing.
They want to be part of something,and yes even me ,would like to be part of something big ,fun and cool but I realized most of the time,like tOmoe manda states I end up being a social slave .A form of entertainment and amusement to another person.I become part of their insignificant drama.
Its very very very hard to find people (or maybe its just me...),whom we can truly relate too .Its not that people don't want too,is just that they don't want to look like they are trying too hard to.
Don't worry raj, its not just you that find it hard to find people that can relate to you. The heart is a lonely hunter..
Anyway, couldn't society be one whole big clique, with the groupthink being social norms? And you have to conform to belong? To be safe?
Raj, okay, now I understand what you were trying to say. Like you and Darren, I also find it hard to find people whom I can relate to easily.
Darren, it would be hard for society to be one big clique because there are bound to be groups of people with different personalities that would totally clash with each other. Humans are just too diverse to be grouped so simply. Ideally, people shouldn't have to conform or sacrifice a part of themselves in order to be part of a group. It would be nice if we could all find people whom we can get along with well and be ourselves without fear. But as you know, this can be a difficult and rare occurrence, which is unfortunate. The world is not a perfect place.
In my opinion, we generally form 2 kinds of cliques. One is a clique of similar people and the other is a clique of different people. The first are those who are alike in almost every way. The latter are those who complement each other by being adept in certain aspects. The first clique is probably more susceptible to groupthink because there is less likelihood for people to have different views since their thinking is pretty much along the same lines. The latter clique would be much more resistant to groupthink due to the fact that they are very different from each other. So what kind of a clique do people around us have? What about our own cliques?
i guess i can relate to your entry with regard to my secondary school days. I only hung out with people who had a need and desire for constant trouble and attention.But those days are long gone.
I'm pretty contented with the social groups i've formed. Be it in school or externally. We tend to hang out with people similiar to ourselves and towhom we have a connection with.I think we all understand what connection and wavelength is.
Our primitive need for human interaction is a gift and yet a curse. We form social cliques and experience feelings like love and friendship. However,on the flipside, superficiality can surface as well. What about the so many lonely poeple out there and even in school? Do we notice them or are we taking a step back to put ourselves in their shoes...just a thought. :)
Perhaps nobody likes to be lonely >.< So in order to stay in a group , people are willing to do things that are kind of contradicting . Like how someone doesn't like another person , but in order to stay in that social group , he or she pretends to be able to get along with that person . Ahh .. hypocrisy rules .
I'm glad to have found a group of friends whom I can relate to .. and I think I will try my best stay in this group =)
The thing that is sometimes overlook is that people can feel lonely even when they are in a group. Perhaps it's an inner sense of feeling different. However, I think that it's the differences among people that makes social interaction meaningful.
Like what Emerson said, "The union is only perfect when all the individuals are isolated."
*Claps
Indeed it is a blessing to form a circle of friends who thrive on each others positivity rather then negativity. I admit i was part of a clique and we did many stupid childish things. Peer pressure is a power to reckon! But i do not regret being in that group, for i formed great friendships with one of them(a good guy who succumbed to peer pressure back then). It is inevitable that cliques will form when a large group of people interact with each other. I guess a sense of identity is formed and reinforced in the process!
:)
I believe that no matter what only like-minded people will congregate together. So actually only cliques of similar people are formed. This 'sameness' may not necessarily be externally expressed - it could be more subtle like people grouping together because they find affinity in similar life experiences they've had. But in the end we all find comfort in interacting with people that are similar to ourselves.
it's true that when you join a clique, you feel the need to conform in order to fit in. i know i always altered my accent to try and fit in with whatever group i was hanging out with at the time. like, among my singlish friends i spoke singlish slang, but i never felt the need to talk singlish with my international friends.
we all want to be accepted, so we will always do things that we think will help us to become a 'full member' or part of the group. we are driven by insecurity and human longing.
i have seen various cliques now and in my previous schools. I however would like to be freiends with many different ppl as it allows me to meet rather "unique" ppl. But it's depressing to me as i have seen others in cliques doing things which they are not comfortable with but do it for the sake of fitting in.
Cliques are definitely something one will experience in their lifetime.
I guess another great example to illustrate such groupthink will be the Blair's group in GOSSIP GIRL. She is the queen bee and everyone had to obey her, follow her lead. She chooses her 'followers', requiring them to be top of the elites. It is definitely stressful to be in such a group. As reference back to my example, Jenny (people who watch the show will totally understand me and I know Kristy watches it. right? =)) was one the the 'follwers'. She was considered the 'lower class' as she was not top of the elites due to her financial background. However, she did whatever what she was asked to in order to stay in the group. This is similar to Kristy's own example too.
I feel that cliques can be formed but to be wary of falling into a groupthink situation.
i agree with zed, i think most people find cliques more of a comfort thing than anything, its like, you feel protected, and its somewhere where you can feel comfortable.
when we first entered school, we all have the same sentiments, scared, shy, a little reserved, thats how we initially click, cause we can all relate to one another.
then as time goes on, we discover who each of us really are, and thats when we drift apart, or get closer.
and i guess, contrary to your entry title, it's not so much a curse, haha, it does help one to be in their lil comfort zone away from their usual comfort zone, but with regard to groupthink, then maybe it is a curse. haha. (:
♥sam
With all this talk about the downfall of cliques, I think one thing needs to be mentioned. In the end, most people will probably delve or fall into cliques despite their complexities because of their overwhelming need for human connection and understanding. In truth, it is true that cliques can result in positive energy and experiences. Yet, we must always be careful of how human fallacy can color a clique's potential benefits to all of us. That's why communications and knowing how to maintain group synergy is an important part of continuing a clique's success.
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